If you have a moment…

I was recently at a small wedding where the bride and groom were adamant everything had to start on time. “The doors will be closed at 3:30; anyone who has not arrived will be asked to wait outside until cocktail hour.”

I arrived at 3:10 and was particularly interested in the outcome: not so much to see if people were late, but to see who would be late. By 3:20 everyone but 4 guests had arrived. Their friends got on their phones to get estimated times of arrival. One couple was just walking in, perfectly on time. The other had a much different story.

Close friends of the bride, they were known to be punctual. But today their car wouldn’t start. An interior light was left on overnight. Taxis in this small town were over 45 minutes away, they were waiting for a friend to come give them a boost. Needless to say, they weren’t showing up for 3:30.

The Bride, organized, and strict (read: stubborn) had a decision to make. Stick to her guns and close those doors at 3:30, as promised, or wait for her close friend. It was a genuine issue for her.

In the end, the wedding ceremony was short, sweet, and meaningful. It started at 3:45 with everyone in attendance.

The lesson here is to take your guests and their habits into consideration whenever planning anything.

My wife and I took this to the extreme when sending invitations for our wedding reception. Here is an excerpt from my actual instructions to our printer:

Insert 3:

(version 1)

Title: Reception

Mr. Prakash Khanna and Krishna Khanna cordially invite you to the wedding reception to celebrate the marriage of their son Amit to Katie daughter of Ms. Maureen O’Brien Saturday, the eighth day of january, twenty eleven at the eglinton grand Toronto, Ontario cocktails at 6:00 in the evening dinner at seven-thirty in the evening.

Insert 3:

(version 2)

Title: Reception

Mr. Prakash Khanna…. cocktails at 6:30…

That’s not a typo. We purposefully drafted an invitation 30 minutes later than the other. We knew which of our guests were punctual and which ones would show up when it suited them (i.e. late). For the most part it worked: guests invited at 6:00 showed up closer to 6:30.

We all know the clichés, but it’s true: time is a precious commodity. When you are late to something you can tell yourself that you are showing up fashionably late, or you’re a bad planner, or were unaware of traffic conditions. And all of that may be true. But what comes across is the unsaid truth that you value your time more than that of the person or group of people waiting for you.

Whether it is on a zoom call, at a dinner party, school event, class, or recreational sports, for every minute you are late there is a balance. Those who were on time are either waiting for you or will have to interrupt what they started to accommodate your tardiness.

Even at his young age, I try to emphasize to my son the importance of being punctual. If you are late for class, you are not only hurting yourself by missing out on school. You are saying to the teacher and your classmates that 5 extra minutes of sleep was more valuable than the lesson she prepared and the learning they will miss when they stop class to let you join in. My emphasis has always been on being 5 minutes early — you should be ready to learn the moment the bell rings.

I am fully aware the consequences of my publishing this article: I can never be late again. I promise you this, I will endeavour to always be 5 minutes early — except for those damn back to back video calls. Unless, of course, I have something better to do with my time. Then all bets are off!